


A Banana Bunch Of Trouble

by Nocere



Series: Stingers and Fangs and Barbs, Oh My! [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bodily Fluids, Crack Treated Seriously, Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Irondad, Needles, Parker Luck At It's Finest, Peter Parker Whump, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26136067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocere/pseuds/Nocere
Summary: During an intense heat wave, Peter wants some ice cream to help cool him off. He doesn't expect Tony to go full eccentric billionaire on him, and buy him all kinds of imported ingredients to make gourmet banana splits. Unfortunately for Peter, an unwanted guest tags along with one of the ingredients, ultimately ruining his weekend with Tony.Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel and/or Sony. I do not give permission for this work to be copied and/or published to any other sites.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Stingers and Fangs and Barbs, Oh My! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822399
Comments: 26
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> College has officially started up for me, so my updates are going to be coming much slower. For those joining, you don't have to read the first story of this series to understand this story, but it makes it more fun and chaotic. Stay safe everyone! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Peter sat on the curb outside of his and May’s apartment, one hand plucking at his Vitruvian Pizza shirt, and the other shielding his eyes from the glaring sun overhead. Peter had only been sitting outside for a few minutes, but he was already soaked with sweat. It was late July, and an intense heat wave had settled into the city. For the past week, temperatures had spiked into the hundreds, and according to local media, the wave would stick around for another couple of days. _I’d_ kill _for another trip to the ocean. C’mon, Tony! Where are you?_ Peter anxiously looked up and down the street for Tony’s telltale, black Audi A8.

Upon returning from Malibu, Tony finally talked May into allowing Peter to come over to the compound on the weekends for suit updates, training, and anything else Peter might need. For the entire summer, every Friday afternoon, Tony picked Peter up and drove him to the compound. Well, Happy drove. Peter and Tony would spend the entire drive catching up on one another’s weeks. While they would patch up Peter’s suit and do some training, they’d also play games, watch movies, go on patrols together, order food, or work on any one of Tony’s latest inventions in the lab. On Sundays, May would pick Peter up after her shift at the hospital, and Peter would tell her all about his weekend.

Between weekends with Tony and building the latest Star Wars LEGO creations with Ned, Peter was having the best summer of his life! No homework, no tests, and no super villains. The worst thing that had happened to him was merely a run in with a stingray in Malibu. That and this heat wave. _I can’t stand this heat! Maybe I’ll just wait inside._ Peter rose from his spot on the curb, and was just beginning to turn back towards the apartment entrance when his enhanced hearing picked up on a growling engine that was rapidly approaching.

Sure enough, a black car pulled right up to him, the back window rolling down as Peter smiled.

“Hey, Pete! Love the shirt, but what are you doing outside in this heat with a pair of jeans on?” Tony asked incredulously, eyeing Peter’s outfit of choice.

“I’ve only been outside for a couple minutes. Plus, I’m not even hot.” Peter’s words were betrayed as twin drops of sweat rolled down his temples. The truth was, Peter was sporting a nasty bruise on his knee, and he didn’t want Tony seeing it. It really was no big deal. He’d just stuck his landing a bit too hard while trying to intimidate some bank robbers. It was embarrassing, really. Certainly not something he wanted Tony to worry about all weekend.

“Sure, you’re not hot. Now get in the car. Happy, blast the AC.”

Peter pulled open the car door and took his seat next to Tony, setting his backpack down on the car floor between his legs. Being summer, Peter didn’t have any homework, but it was the perfect way to transport his Spider-Man suit without raising suspicion.

“Hey, Happy!” Peter’s spirited greeting was met with a grunt from Happy, but Peter didn’t mind. He knew it was Happy’s way of being polite.

“Oh, so Happy gets a greeting, but I don’t?” Tony stated incredulously, as the car took off.

“Well, you didn’t exactly give me a chance. You just started lecturing me on what I’m wearing. But if it’ll make you feel better: Hey, Mr. Stark!” Peter dramatically waved his hand for good measure.

“Thank you, it _does_ make me feel better.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Anyway, what’ve you been up to this week, Mr. Stark?”

“Oh, just the same old boring stuff as always. Press conference this, board meeting that. Nothing that would entertain your young mind. What about you, kid?”

“Nothing you don’t already know from watching that stupid Baby Monitor Protocal footage. Ned’s parents got him a LEGO Star Wars AT-AT, so we worked on it a bit at his house. Nothing that would entertain your _old_ mind.” Peter joked, dodging Tony’s weak punch to his shoulder.

“You better watch it, young man. You’re on thin ice. Happy can turn this car right around.”

The two continued their banter, occasionally adding Happy to the mix, until they reached the compound. Happy pulled up to the entrance, and Peter thanked him, as he always did, for driving them. After being so comfortable in the car, Peter was unpleasantly surprised when he stepped out into the stifling heat. He swung his backpack over his shoulder and squinted at the brightness of the sun.

Peter waited for Tony, who was saying goodbye to Happy and wishing him a good weekend off. Peter was already sweating by the time he and Tony strolled into the compound. Peter sighed in relief at the blast of cool air that greeted them upon entering.

“It’s _too_ hot, Mr. Stark,” Peter whined. “Let’s work on some kind of giant fan this weekend that’ll blow all of this hot air out of New York. Or a giant umbrella to shield the city from the sun.”

“I’m afraid that’s not my area of expertise, kid. Maybe we could call Thor down here for a little thunderstorm. That’d cool us off.”

“Oh my gosh! Can we really do that?” Peter’s excitement drew a laugh from Tony.

“Somehow I think the weathermen would be pretty cross with us for pulling a stunt like that.”

“Why? They get hot too; they’re just like the rest of us!”

“Sorry, kiddo. No can do. Plus, I honestly don’t even know where Thor is right now. We’ll think of some way to beat the heat.” The pair fell silent as they rode an elevator up to Tony’s penthouse and lab. Both were thinking of ways to keep cool during this wretched heat wave.

“I’ve got it!” they both exclaimed as the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

“You first, kid,” Tony encouraged.

“Okay, what if we made banana splits?” Peter offered.

That... was not where Tony thought Peter was going with this. He’d been thinking more along the lines of doing some training in the cool of the pool, but sometimes it was nice to just do something unrelated to being a hero. Tony loved giving Peter opportunities to just be a normal kid.

“That sounds like a good plan to me.” Tony agreed.

“But, what were you thinking?” Peter asked.

“Oh, nothing. Trust me, your idea is going to be _way_ more fun. So, how are we going to go about this?”

Peter thought for a moment,” Well, we need ingredients for it. We need stuff like bananas, ice cream, chocolate syrup, and cherries. Ooh, and whipped cream! Maybe F.R.I.D.A.Y. could order some stuff from Walmart, and they could deliver-”

“Woah, woah, woah, kid! Have we met? In case you’d forgotten, I’m Tony Stark. We are _not_ getting anything from Walmart. We’re gonna make gourmet banana splits”

Peter frowned at that. “But, Mr. Stark! You don’t need to buy anything extravagant. It’s just ice cream. We could even just order pre-made banana splits from somewhere.”

Peter’s humbleness in the presence of Tony always surprised him. The kid could have anything he wanted, and Tony would give it to him, but Peter was always modest with Tony’s money. “That’s nowhere near as fun as making them ourselves. Let me buy the ingredients, kid. You never give me a chance to spoil you. C’mon, Peter. Let yourself do something expensive just this once.”

Peter actually looked like he was really considering it. “Just this one time?”

“Well, I’d be happy to spoil you all the time, but since I know you hate it, then yes; just this one time.”

“Deal!” Peter smiled. He couldn’t deny how excited he was at the prospect of making and eating “gourmet” banana splits, as Tony called them. _I can afford to be selfish for once in my life. Besides, it’s just ice cream. It’s not like it’ll be too expensive, right?_

…

“ _$30,000.00!_ ” Peter shouted.

“Peter, that’s really not that bad. Plus, it would’ve been way more if you’d let me get that strawberry ice cream from New Orleans.”

“We are _not_ spending that much on ice cream, Mr. Stark. I won’t let you.”

“Nah, ah. We made a deal. We’re doing this. Got it?” Tony waited for Peter’s sullen head nod. Tony sighed, knowing that Peter couldn’t stand the thought of being spoiled. “Here, how about this? If I’m blowing thirty grand on you, I’ll go ahead and donate three hundred grand to that F.E.A.S.T organization your aunt’s got. Sound good?”

Peter brightened at that, and nodded enthusiastically.

Tony’s eyes perused the shopping list he’d given F.R.I.D.A.Y. and verified it with Peter. “So, we’re getting vanilla ice cream from the _Baccarat Hotel_ and chocolate ice cream from _Serendipity 3_ here in New York. We’re getting strawberry sauce from California, whipped cream from Wisconsin, and sugarloaf pineapples from Hawaii. Last call, do you want those Blue Java bananas from Hawaii or not?”

Peter paused, seeming to think about his answer before deciding, “Nope. Those special bananas are supposed to taste like ice cream, and we’re already eating ice cream. We want banana-y bananas, not ice cream bananas.”

“You’re the boss. We’ll get our bananas from Brazil, walnuts from China, Maraschino cherries from Croatia, strawberry ice cream from Singapore, and hot fudge from Switzerland. Am I missing anything?” Tony turned to Peter.

“Gosh, I hope not. But how long’s it gonna take to get here? And how is it all gonna keep from melting, or cooling in the case of the hot fudge?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Kid, I’m insulted that you think so little of me. You let me worry about the ins and outs of keeping ingredients hot and cold. As for how long, we’ll probably have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry, kiddo.”

“Everything will be here by _tomorrow_? How’s that even possible? You ordered ingredients from like, six different countries!”

“That’s the power of the dollar, Pete. Now, what should we do with the rest of our Friday night?”

Peter pondered this question for a moment, before taking off towards his room in the compound, yelling “Get your trunks on! Let’s go swimming in the pool!”

Tony chuckled and then proceeded to make his way to his own room to change clothes; granted, at a much slower pace.

The natatorium at the avengers facility contained an olympic sized, chlorine swimming pool. It was nearly 165 feet in length, over 80 feet wide, and over 12 feet deep. There were a couple of specific lanes for anybody who wanted to swim laps, but the majority of it was a large, free area. Along the walls were exercise equipment, pool toys, and even some rafts. A few diving boards lined the sides of the pool, as well as some pool chairs for sunbathing. The natatorium’s ceiling could retract, allowing sunlight to stream in. By the time Peter and Tony made it to the pool, it was evening, so the ceiling was shut.The pair stood at the edge of the pool, Peter practically bouncing with anticipation.

“So, kid. Care to tell me how you got that bruise on your knee?”

 _Crap! I totally forgot!_ “Uh… during gym class… uh, today… I kind of, um sorta… fell.” Peter looked everywhere but at Tony.

Tony had already seen the Baby Monitor footage, but he wanted to see if Peter would tell the truth. So far, it wasn’t looking good. “Uh, huh. Sure. And what were you doing that caused you, _Spider-Man_ , to fall?”

“Ya’ know, just… ya’ know. We’re playing… kickball right now.” Peter’s eyes lit up with an idea, as he started gaining more momentum for his tall tale. “Flash kicked the ball, and I went to catch it, but I let myself drop it and fall at the last moment. It would’ve looked a little sketchy if I’d actually caught it, ya’ know? So, yeah. That’s what happened.”

“Peter, if it were anyone else, you probably would have gotten away with that story, but you and I both know that you don’t even have gym this semester.” Tony stated matter-of-factly. Peter looked away. “I saw it all on the Baby Monitor.”

“Then why didn’t you just confront me in the first place?”

“Because I wanted to see if you’d tell the truth! And you didn’t!”

“Mr. Stark, I promise I’ll tell you if I _actually_ get hurt. But this was just a bruise. No biggie.” Peter reasoned.

“I’ll decide whether or not it’s a biggie. Okay?” Tony waited for Peter to nod. “ Now, I’ll let this slide, because you’re right; it’s not a biggie. But, from now on, just tell me flat out if you’re hurt, and don’t lie to me if I ask about anything. Get it?”

“Got it!” Peter gave a thumbs up.

“Good.”

Peter looked at Tony expectantly, and Tony gave a dramatic sigh. “Alright, you’re off the hook.” Tony hadn’t even finished his sentence when Peter dove headfirst into the pool. Tony calmly sat down on the edge and dipped his feet into the pool, watching the surface and waiting for Peter to resurface. It was nearing a minute, and Tony was starting to get worried, but before he could call a suit, Peter emerged clear on the other side of the pool.

“Peter! Don’t scare me like that!” Tony had to shout in order for his voice to carry across the water, unfortunately, the acoustics of the pool room caused a massive reverb.

“WHAT?!?” Peter had no idea what Tony just said, but he figured he should head back over. He took a deep breath, submerged himself, and began swimming back. When he came back up for air, Tony was glaring at him with his arms crossed.

“Would it kill you to come up for air more than once a minute? Especially right after diving headfirst into a pool?”

Peter couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry, Mr. Stark. It doesn’t seem that long to me.” And it didn’t. Peter could easily hold his breath for over two minutes. _I wonder how long I actually could hold my breath for?_

“Well, keep wondering. We’re _never_ testing it.”

“Oh, did I say that out loud?” Peter feigned innocence.

“You better enjoy your time in the pool now, mister. This’ll be your last swim for a while if you keep testing me.” While Tony’s tone was one of false sternness, he wasn’t entirely joking. The kid was always giving him grey hair for one reason or another.

Peter laughed, and then headed back out to take another lap. Thankfully, he remained near the surface while demonstrating a simple front crawl across the water. Eventually, Tony joined him, and the two of them spent nearly two hours playing in the pool. They finally called it a night after Tony noticed Peter limping slightly while he ran over to the diving board.

“Pete, let’s go. You need to rest your knee.”

“But Mr. Stark, it doesn’t even hurt,” Peter whined.

“Based on that limp I just saw, it does hurt.” Peter groaned, but didn’t protest any further. He did make a show of keeping his gait normal though as he walked over to Tony, who offered him a fluffy towel.

“Why don’t we go watch a movie?” Tony suggested. Sure enough, Peter perked right back up.

“Yeah! I saw that there was going to be a Christmas in July marathon on…” Peter and Tony discussed their favorite Christmas movies all the way back to the penthouse. Peter found the channel while Tony prepared popcorn, and ordered some teriyaki wings for Peter, and Nashville Hot wings for himself from _Buffalo Wild Wings_.

“I never really thought of wings as Christmas food,” Peter said through a mouthful, his eyes glued to the television screen.

“Me neither, but one, it’s not actually Christmas, it’s July, and two, it sounded really good.” Tony wiped his hands off on a napkin.

“True, true.” They’d already enjoyed pointing out familiar buildings and landmarks in _Home Alone 2: Lost in New York_ , and were now watching _It’s A Wonderful Life_. Peter watched it with his Aunt every Christmas Eve, but he never seemed to be able to stay awake for the whole movie. Tonight wasn’t proving any different. Peter let out a jaw popping yawn, and laid back on his side of the plush, oversized couch.

Peter’s contagious yawn caused Tony to have one of his own. “We should probably get to bed, Pete.”

“Yeah,” Peter agreed sleepily, nestling himself into the arm of the couch. Peter closed his eyes, drifting off to the conversation of Clarence desperately trying to explain to George that he was an angel.

…

Tony woke to a harsh kick to his leg. He absent-mindedly reached down to rub his shin, and tried to get his bearings. The Christmas in July marathon was still running, given that some sort of _Muppets_ rendition of Charles Dickens’ _A Christmas Carol_ was playing softly on screen. Another kick lande, and Tony turned to immediately identify the cause of his pain: a heavy sleeping super-teen who was sprawled out on the couch next to him. _Huh, I guess we both fell asleep before we could get to an actual bed._

Tony glanced at his watch, and noticed it was only 6:52. The sun was well on the rise, but the curtains were thankfully keeping it blocked from their view. They had both conked out a little after 1:00 last night, so Tony figured it was best to let Peter sleep. While the t.v. was soft, Tony reached for the remote and muted it fully. He rose slowly, and ambled over to the kitchen, checking the cabinets for something Peter could eat.

Not wanting to just fill the kid up with sugar, he settled on making pancakes. He added a couple scoops of protein to the mix, just to make sure the kid got enough calories in him, as well as some milk, oil, and eggs, and he was in business. Halfway through the pancake-making process, Tony threw some bacon in a pan. The popping and sizzling, or even just the smell alone was enough to wake Peter.

After stretching his muscles and cracking a few knuckles, Peter stumbled over to the kitchen island, pulling up a stool for him to sit on. Tony managed to keep his laughter contained at Peter’s outrageous bedhead. Peter liked to think of himself as a morning person, but staying up late after swimming for a few hours had really tuckered him out. He mumbled a quiet “Mornin’” to Tony, but that was all he could handle before he got some food in him.

Luckily, Tony was as great a cook as he was a scientist. Soon, Peter was shoveling pancakes and syrup into his mouth like they were going out of style. Tony nibbled on a few strips of bacon while he sipped some coffee. He looked over at Peter with a disgusted look on his face.

“I’m not planning on taking your pancakes from you, kiddo.”

Peter, swallowed and ducked his head, embarrassed. He attempted to slow down. “I know. It just helps me wake up faster.”

“Are you in a hurry or something? We got all day;”

“No, not really. I just want to move on to whatever fun thing it is we’re doing today. Do you have any ideas?” Peter added more syrup to his dwindling stack of pancakes.

“I might have something up my sleeve.” Tony said slyly.

“What?” Peter couldn’t contain his excitement. Tony always had something fun for them to do every weekend.

“Well, we know we’re making banana splits tonight, but we’re gonna do something else to keep you cool today. Or at least keep you cool every day once we get it finished.”

“We’re gonna build something?!”

“Yup. Any guesses?”

“A snowman?”

Tony laughed. “No.”

“Then I’m all out of ideas. Just tell me!”

“Alright. After we fix any fabric or software issues in your suit, we’re gonna install a cooling system into it.”

“Sweet! That’ll be perfect, Mr. Stark. The heating system is great in the winter, and a cooling system will be perfect to beat this heat.” Peter was already brainstorming ideas in his head about how they could do it.

“That’s the goal, kid. We can go work on it after we finish breakfast.” Peter once again began shoveling food into his mouth. “Slow down, slow down. I haven’t finished my breakfast yet.”

Peter laughed, but ate his breakfast at a healthier pace. He thought about different materials they could use to help keep the suit cool, incorporating a chilled vest, or even installing a network of vents throughout his suit. He knew Tony probably had some ideas too, and he couldn’t wait to get started.

…

“Give me a hand, kiddo. We’ve almost got it. We just need to-”

“Boss, all of the ingredients for the “gourmet banana splits” have arrived at your penthouse.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s monotonous voice interrupted.

Peter and Tony both jumped at the A.I.’s intrusion. They’d been completely invested in designing and installing an air conditioning system into Peter’s suit. Nothing had broken their concentration for the entire day. Nothing except F.R.I.D.A.Y. with the promise of food. Peter’s stomach growled, and he realized just how hungry he was. Tony set down the nano condenser coil, abandoning their efforts to install it into the housing unit of Peter’s suit.

“Whelp, I guess we’ll have to finish this little project up tomorrow. We don’t want that ice cream to melt, right Peter?”

“Oh, no. Especially not with it being so expensive.” Peter went about putting all of their tools and materials back in their proper place. He left his suit on the table, knowing nobody would be allowed access into Tony’s lab to see it.

Boarding the elevator, Tony noticed a clock displaying a time of 7:34. _Yikes! I made the kid miss lunch and dinner. A+ mentoring there. Tony thought sarcastically. At least he’ll be eating his weight in ice cream, and other sugary things_ … Tony’s eyes widened. Peter was going to be off the walls all night long after consuming so much sugar. While Tony knew that Peter was bound to be entertaining, he let out a sigh, knowing it was going to be a long night.

As the elevator doors opened, Tony could see their ingredients laid out on the counter.

“Whoa! Look at all this stuff! This is gonna be awesome, Mr. Stark.” Peter was already picking up different items and removing their lids and packaging. He suddenly stopped. “Oh, no. I don’t see any ice cream.” Peter shot a dejected look at Tony.

Tony proceeded to open the freezer door, “Don’t worry, kid. It’s right here.” He pulled out the three different tubs and placed them on the counter.

“Awesome. You grab some spoons and bowls, while I get all the lids off.” Peter’s fingers were already sticky (er, stickier, that is), with chocolate sauce and maraschino cherry juice.

“And some napkins too,” Tony grumbled good-naturedly.

It only took ten minutes for Peter to get everything opened up. Tony deposited spoons into the different toppings.

“Okay, boss,” Tony placed his hands on the counter and looked at Peter, “What’s the plan for this?”

“I’m gonna make a traditional banana split, but you can use whatever toppings or ice cream you want. But I think we should try everything and use all of the ingredients up, just so we don’t waste anything.”

“I got a heart condition, so I think I’m gonna settle for a small bowl with a little bit of everything, but I got you this,” Tony hauled over the biggest glass bowl he owned, and sat it in front of Peter, who’s eyes opened comically wide.

“I can eat as much as I can fit in _here?_ This bowl is _huge!_ ” The bowl in question was nearly a foot in circumference, and almost as tall. Peter couldn’t wait to fill it to the brim!

“So, do we have a time limit or anything?”

Peter laughed. “Not really. Just get done before the ice cream completely melts.”

With that in mind, the two started on their gourmet confections. Peter started by first lining his bowl with halved bananas. Then he went for the vanilla ice cream, using nearly ⅔’s of it. Vanilla was his favorite flavor, after all. He was a bit more modest with the chocolate and strawberry ice creams, but only slightly. From what he understood, the strawberry sauce was supposed to go on the strawberry ice cream, the chocolate sauce on the chocolate icing, and the pineapples on the vanilla ice cream. Peter wrinkled his nose a bit at the pineapple, but dumped it on anyway. _If it’s good on pizza, it must be good on ice cream too._ Peter took this moment to glance at Tony’s much smaller bowl.

“You gotta eat more than _that_ , Mr. Stark.”

“Newsflash, kiddo. I don’t have a super metabolism.” Tony watched Peter squeeze strawberry syrup onto his ice cream. “Eat that up, kid. We gotta get rid of any strawberry remnants before Pepper gets back from her conference in Berlin.”

“Why?” Peter some pineapple into his mouth.

“‘Cause she’s allergic to ‘em.”

“ _Seriously?_ Crap. We didn’t have to get anything with strawberries in it.”

“Relax, Pete. She won’t be back for a couple of days. We’ll finish the ice cream tonight, and I can make pancakes again to get rid of any leftover sauce. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.” The two went back to their desserts. Peter figured now was the appropriate time to apply an entire can of whipped cream onto his ice cream. He then sprinkled a handful of nuts over the top, as well as a fistful of cherries.

“Voila!” Peter stepped back, and gestured to his creation with jazz hands.

“Not bad, kid. I’m almost finished with mine.” Tony added a single cherry, and called it good. “Ready to try your first gourmet banana split?”

“I’m ready to try my _only_ gourmet banana split. This is the only time I’ll let you spoil me. So savor the moment.” Peter began attempting to load up his spoon. He was trying to get a bite of everything on the spoon, but it was proving nearly impossible. Once he was satisfied with his spoonful, he looked up at Tony and realized that Tony’d been waiting on him for nearly half a minute.

“Are you ready now, Chef Parker?”

“Shut up, I’m ready.” Peter laughed, and then plunged the spoon into his mouth. “Oh my gosh, it’s _delicious!_ ”

Tony swallowed his first bite. “Yeah, it is pretty good. Good choice, kiddo. This really hits the spot.”

Peter was already wolfing down his fifth, then sixth bite. _Man, maybe I should let Tony spoil me more often. This is the best!_ He hadn’t tried getting all the ingredients on his spoon since his first bite. He was just slowly eating away at the ice cream in different sections. He started with the strawberry ice cream, then moved onto the chocolate ice cream. He was saving the vanilla for last, because turns out, pineapple on vanilla ice cream is actually awesome.

Tony had long since finished his bowl, and was now watching Peter devour his while fiddling with a cherry stem in his hand. _The kid’s like a bottomless pit. I definitely need to stop and give him eating breaks when we’re in the lab. I’ll have to install some kind of protocol later to remind me._

Eventually, Peter put his spoon down. His stomach was about to bust. He’d eaten the entire bowl, and then added a few more scoops of vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce. “Thank you so much, Mr. Stark. Everything was fantastic.”

“We’ll have to do it again sometime. Maybe we could do it with different foods. We could make gourmet pizzas or something. I don’t know.”

“Yeah, and that way F.E.A.S.T. will get some more funding too.” Peter added.

“Of course, but until then,” Tony looked around his kitchen, “we’ve got quite the mess to clean up."

It was true. Ice cream and sauces had dripped all over the countertop and even the floor. Several banana peels had been haphazardly cast aside. There were some ingredients still remaining that needed to be refrigerated. And worst yet, a can of whipped cream had fallen onto the floor and completely busted open at some point.

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Stark. I’ll clean it up.” Peter got to work throwing away the banana skins and packaging, as well as dropping off all of the dirty dishes at the kitchen sink.

Tony, who’d never make Peter do all the work, began putting ingredients away and wiping down the counters. Upon moving the bananas he made an odd discovery. “Peter come look at this.”

“What’s up?” Peter took the banana bunch out of Tony’s hands, inspecting it.

“There’s a big whole in that one’s peel. See?”

It took a few more turns of his hands, but eventually, Peter spotted what Tony was talking about. “Huh. That’s weird.”

“Maybe it got caught on something during the trip over.”

Peter pulled the peel open completely, wrinkling his nose at the nasty, rotten looking banana. “Well, I’m not eating this one.”

“Me neither, just throw that one away.”

Peter did so, and the two continued to clean up the kitchen. Afterwards, it appeared that the sugar rush was setting in. Peter was practically vibrating on the couch next to Tony, going on and on about anything and everything. Tony could hardly keep up with the kid, but it was pretty entertaining. Peter was ranting about a run in he’d had with some inexperienced bank robbers, when Tony finally stepped in.

“Peter, take a breath. You’ve been talking nonstop for over an hour. Why don’t you go run off some steam? You won’t sleep tonight if you don’t.”

Peter jumped off the couch, “Okay! Can I go out as Spider-Man? I bet I could cover every borough twice. Well, maybe not every borough twice, but I could definitely patrol Queens and Manhattan at least twi-.”

“Letting you out as Spider-Man when you’re like this is the last thing I want to do kid.” Peter looked disappointed, and Tony hated to see that look on Peter’s face. “Tell you what, how about you go test out the new rockwall they installed in the gym? It’s an entire wall I had designed solely for you.”

Peter looked like a kid on Christmas. “Really?!”

“Yup, now c’mon. Let’s go work off this ice cream.” Tony wrapped his arm around Peter’s shoulder, leading the way.

…

“Goodnight, Mr. Stark. Thanks for the banana splits.” Peter heard Tony’s response as he walked to his room. He’d climbed around for hours, working off all the sugar. While he’d been bummed about not patrolling, he saw Tony’s point that he wasn’t exactly in the best mindset to be Spider-Man. _Man, criminals thought I was chatty before. They shoulda seen me an hour ago._ The rockwall had turned out to be a fun, surprisingly challenging addition to his training, and he couldn’t wait to work on it again in the future.

But for now, he was ready to sleep for a week! He forced himself to change out of his sweaty workout clothes and take a quick shower. The hot water felt amazing on his sore muscles, and his soft pj’s even better. He flopped down face first onto the bed, not bothering to cover himself with the blankets. He sprawled out, letting his left arm arm hang off the bed. His fingers barely grazed the floor, but unfortunately, they grazed it just enough to completely ruin the rest of Peter’s weekend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm going to be watching The Devil All the Time tonight, and I am so excited for it!
> 
> Warning for this chapter: There are some gross bodily fluids, and a brief reference to some slightly "adult" anatomy and bodily functions. 
> 
> College is really in the swing of things for me, so updates might become less frequent, but I'll try my best.
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. Enjoy!

_Peter was sitting at his desk, twirling a pencil between his fingers as he stared intently at his chemistry test. His knee bounced, but he wasn’t terribly nervous. While tests were always a little stressful, Peter had faith in his abilities. The class was currently testing over stoichiometry, and Peter could do those problems in his sleep. He was already on the second page of his test, and just starting to balance out an equation, when his teacher called out to him._

_“_ _Mr. Parker, could you please join me at my desk?”_

_Peter scrambled out of his seat, nearly falling over as he did so. He never did anything wrong, so he was shocked as to why he was being called out. Maybe something had happened. Maybe Tony was pulling him out of class for a mission! Or maybe something bad had happened to May. Peter hurried over to Mr. Winston’s desk, eager to know what was wrong._

_Mr. Winston kept his voice low, “Mr. Parker, you’re usually one of my best students, but I just saw you glance at Ms. Jansen’s test.”_

_“_ _What?!” Peter whisper-shouted, indignant. “No, I didn’t sir. I promise. I’d never cheat. Sometimes I just look around while I’m thinking. But I’d never cheat sir.”_

_Mr. Winston looked angry. “Peter, cheating is one thing, and lying to my face is another.”_

_“_ _I’m not lying! I swear!” Peter was shocked. He couldn’t believe Mr. Winston was accusing him of cheating!_

_"Do you know what happens to students at Midtown who cheat? Who lie?”_

_Peter’s heart was pounding. “No, sir. But please, I don’t cheat. I’m not lying.”_

_“_ _Place your palm on my desk.”_

_“What? Why?” But Peter was already reaching out to do it. It’s like his arm had a mind of its own._

_“This is what happens to students who dare to cheat in my classroom!” Mr. Winston shouted, hoisting a sharpened pencil high into the air. He brought the pencil down, ramming it straight into-_

Peter shot up out of bed, screaming. His chest was heaving and his heart was pounding. His eyes darted around the dark room, looking for any signs of his deranged chemistry teacher. He could feel a sharp pain emanating from his hand, and he glanced down to make sure there wasn’t a pencil lodged in it. _Okay, no pencil. But it definitely hurts for some reason. Maybe I was pinching it in my sleep or something._

He reached out to his lamp with trembling fingers, trying to light up the room. He switched on the lamp, and began closely inspecting his hand. It was at this moment that Tony barged into the room, wrist gauntlet activated.

“Why’d you yell? What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is there somebody in here?” Tony asked, rapid-fire.

“No, nobody’s in here. Calm down. I just had a bad dream. I’m fine.” Peter attempted to pacify Tony. In reality, he didn’t feel fine. There was a burning sensation in his hand, and he was somehow breaking out in both goosebumps and sweat.

“What happened in it? Why were you so scared?” Tony deactivated the gauntlet, and took in Peter’s appearance. “And why are you clutching your hand?”

“Jeez, what is this, Twenty Questions or something? I just pinched it or something.” Peter ground out through clenched teeth. His hand was really starting to burn, and he was embarrassed for being so scared by, quite frankly, a silly dream.

“Here, let me see it. F.R.I.D.A.Y., lights on.” The lights illuminated gradually, but Peter still had to squint through the harsh lighting. Tony gently grabbed Peter’s hand, holding it close to his face. His brow furrowed in concentration. “Shit, kid. Are you sure you just pinched it? It looks like something bit you.”

“What?” Peter ripped his hand from Tony’s grasp, examining it. “That’s impossible. There’s nothing in here that could bite me.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t think so. We’re at the top of a skyscraper in New York City, so any kind of pest getting in here is highly unlikely. But I wouldn’t say it’s impossible. Did you see anything?”

“No, I was asleep. Duh.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Yes, thank you. I mean did you see anything when you woke up? Did you feel anything crawling around on you?”

Peter cringed at the thought. “Nope. Nothing.” Peter glanced around his room, looking for the intruder, but a flaring pain in his hand brought his attention back to his wound.

“Do you really think something bit me? What kind of animal are we talking here?”

“It’s certainly not any kind of rodent or snake. There’d be way more teeth imprints.” Tony once again grabbed Peter’s hand. “I don’t see any stinger, but I do see a pair of little dots. It was probably some kind of spider.”

“A spider? But I’ve already been bitten by a spider!” Peter was exasperated. The universe just hated him, didn’t it?

“Look on the bright side. Maybe you’ll gain some more powers.”

Peter glared briefly at Tony, and then continued his rant, “Why would another spider bite me? We’re supposed to be friends, aren’t we? It’s not like I provoked it or anything.”

“Maybe it felt threatened by you. What with all of your spidery-ness.”

Peter sat down on his bed, letting out a sigh. “Just my luck. I get bitten by _another_ spider. This one will probably take _away_ my abilities.”

Tony chuckled. “I doubt that. I’m sure this’ll be an easy fix; especially with your enhancements. It probably wasn’t even a venomous spider, just your typical, ordinary house spider.”

“Somehow I doubt that Mr. Stark.” Peter appeared to be staring through Tony as he addressed him.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because I can hardly see.”

…

 _Okay… the kid can’t see… not an ordinary house spider_. Tony was currently leading Peter by the arm, and marching him down to the med bay. He had gone into full blown panic mode when Peter told him he couldn’t see, but had since calmed slightly at Peter’s hasty reassurances that he could still see blurry shapes.

“Blurry shapes, like that’s supposed to be some sort of comfort,” Tony muttered under his breath.

“Uh, Mr. Stark. Do you know if we could slow down a little?” Peter was starting to trip over his own feet. He was getting dizzier by the second. If Tony kept up this pace, he’d have to carry Peter.

Tony spared a glance at Peter, and slowed his pace. The kid was dripping sweat at this point, and his face was stark white. “Sorry, Pete. We’ll slow down.”

The rest of their trip to the med bay was much easier for Peter, but he was still exhausted by the end of it. Tony directed him to a medical bed, which Peter promptly collapsed onto. There weren’t any professionals currently in the med bay. Dr. Cho and her team typically stayed in Seoul, and any other doctors or nurses were spread throughout every hospital in the city. The only time medical personnel attended the med bay was during scheduled training and missions. Since the best and brightest worked there, Tony liked for them to be able to work in other hospitals that might need their expertise.

“I’m gonna have to amend that rule. There should _always_ be someone here.” Tony once again muttered as he gathered necessary equipment. Once he gathered everything he needed, he turned around to see Peter lying on the bed with his eyes closed.

“Hey, hey!” Peter opened his eyes with a jolt. “No sleeping on the job, kid.”

“Wasn’t sleeping, Mr. Stark.” Peter groaned, but he kept his eyes open.

“Here, open up.” Tony brought a thermometer to Peter’s lips. They had to wait a few seconds, but the instrument eventually beeped. _101.6._

“What was it?”

“Could be worse, could be better.” Tony dodged the question, and instead attached a pulse oximeter onto the index finger of Peter’s non-injured right hand. The results came much quicker this time. Peter’s oxygen level reading was a comfortable, but slightly low, 96, and his pulse was a rapid 138.

“What was it?”

“Your oxygen levels are fine, so that’s good.” Tony began fiddling with a sphygmomanometer, trying to separate the velcro pieces. Once he ripped them apart, he wrapped it tightly around Peter’s upper arm. Again, he used Peter’s non-bitten arm. Tony began squeezing the inflation bulb, and stopped once the gauge reached its mark. _155/100. That can’t be right._ Tony tried again. It’d been a while since Steve had required the team to take a first aid class. They’d learned how to work a sphygmomanometer, but Tony certainly wasn’t an expert.

Unfortunately, he’d done it right this time, and Peter’s blood pressure was genuinely 155/100. Tony sat down at the nearest computer, and began frantically googling spider bites.

“What was it?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Peter was fed up. “I _am_ gonna worry about it. How bad is it?”

Tony was fed up, too. “ _Damn it, Peter_! I’m sure you’re smart and aware enough to realize that you have a fever and that your heart is racing. Just stack some high blood pressure on top of that. I’m trying to figure this out, but I need you to just sit there and be quiet. You’re distracting me. Understand?”

Peter’s lower lip trembled and his eyes were glassy with fever and unshed tears, but he merely nodded shakily to Tony. Tony turned back to the monitor and let out a big sigh. _Great, now I feel like shit._ He hated raising his voice at Peter, but his fear was projecting itself as anger. Peter was going downhill fast, and he needed to find out what kind of spider had bitten him.

After several minutes of sifting through gag-inducing images of different venomous spider bites all at different stages of necrosis, Tony concluded that whatever had bitten Peter, was not native to the United States. While both the Brown Recluse and Black Widow had looked like promising candidates, the symptoms just didn’t add up.

Tony widened his search, knowing that he’d recently imported all kinds of foods from all over the world. He had nearly given up when he came upon a group of spiders known as Armed Spiders. Tony scanned the article quickly, his eyes stopping on the phrase “Banana Spider”.

Tony looked over at Peter, who was wiping his sweaty brow. He felt now was as good a time as any to apologize to Peter. Of course, Tony couldn’t _actually_ apologize. “Say, kid.” Tony said in a much gentler tone than the one he’d been using previously, “Do you happen to remember where we got those bananas from?”

Despite his discomfort, Peter smiled. “It’s okay Tony, I forgive you. Brazil, I think.”

 _Curse this kid and his knack for reading me._ Tony turned back to the screen, and sure enough, another name for the armed spiders was literally the Brazilian Wandering Spider. _Of course._ The image of the hole in the banana peel rushed to the forefront of Tony’s mind. Tony continued scrolling, and nearly jumped out of his seat when a photo of the spider popped up in the article.

“The good news is, I think I know what bit you.” Tony started.

“Okay, so what’s the bad news.”

“This particular species can grow up to two inches long with a leg span of six inches.”

Peter looked a bit green at that information. “And it was crawling around on me?! It’s still here in the tower somewhere! It’s probably building a web in my room!”

Tony squinted at the screen. “Nah, I wouldn’t worry about that. It says here they don’t build webs. They wander around on the ground, looking for prey, Hence the name, “Brazilian Wandering Spider.”

“Brazilian Wandering Spider? So what, it wandered onto our banana bunch looking for food?”

Tony grimaced. “Not onto, _into_ our banana bunch. I’m guessing that was the cause for the hole we saw in the banana peel. That, and they’re also called Banana Spiders.”

“What’s the cure? How do I get better?”

“I’m getting there.” Tony went back to skimming the article. “It says here that very few cases require antivenom for treatment, so that’s something… It looks like the treatment is just pain and symptom control.”

“Wonderful,” Peter muttered sarcastically. Though Peter was certainly grateful that Tony and Bruce had developed painkillers for him, he was less thrilled about the side effects of using them. He’d probably be even dizzier and have blurrier vision using his pain meds than just suffering through the spider bite symptoms. Not to mention, Peter wasn’t the biggest fan of needles. Honestly, who was?

“I guess we should get an I.V. set up, right?” Peter asked meekly.

“I don’t think we’ll be using your super drugs.” Tony read on.

“Why?”

“Because it says here that the venom affects the neuromuscular systems of the victims, and narcotics could aid in respiratory failure. Speaking of which, are you breathing okay?”

“Yeah.” Peter wasn’t lying. His breathing seemed good enough to him.

Tony sighed in relief. “Good. Let me know if that changes, alright? If that little oximeter on your finger drops you tell me.”

Peter nodded in understanding, but then got back to their original conversation. “So no pain control, just symptom control?”

“Not necessarily. It says we can use a local nerve block at the site of the bite. That’ll at least control the pain. Then, we can worry about managing your other symptoms. We’ll just work on keeping you cool and letting you rest, and look out for any other symptoms.”

“What are the other symptoms?” Peter asked curiously. _Better to know now what kind of torture I’ll be subjected to in the next twenty four hours._

Tony carefully read each symptom. He didn’t want to scare Peter, but he also knew it’d be good if the kid knew what to look for because then he could alert Tony right away if he developed a listed symptom. He was gearing up to tell Peter when he caught sight of the last listed symptom… priapism. _Yikes!_ “Uh… Don’t lie to me here when I ask you this, Pete… but are you currently sporting a painful erection?”

“ _WHAT?! NO!!!_ ” Peter shouted, his face blushing and his voice cracking.

“Okay, sorry! Geez! Don’t shoot the messenger; it just so happens that that is a common symptom.” Tony cleared his throat before continuing. “Let me know if that changes.”

“Mr. Stark!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll shut up now.” _God, that was awkward_. “Other than the symptoms you’ve already shown, it looks like we need to watch for abdominal cramping, convulsions, and excessive salivation.”

“Why is that a thing? That’s the most ridiculous symptom I’ve ever heard for a spider bite.” Peter was beyond frustrated with this whole thing.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Pete. But let’s hope you show that symptom as opposed to convulsions.” Peter couldn’t argue with that. “For now, let’s work on getting you pain free, or, at least as pain free as we can. How is it by the way? Is it as bad as the stingray?”

“No, it’s not as bad as that. It’s more of the fever and blurry vision, and other symptoms that are making this whole thing so awful.” Peter couldn’t believe how horribly his weekend with Tony was turning out to be.

“That’s good; I mean, about how the pain isn’t as bad.” Tony began searching the med bay for supplies. He went through nearly every cabinet until he found where the syringes were located. The alcohol and cotton balls weren’t too hard to find, and neither was a band aid. The lidocaine proved just as difficult to obtain as the syringe, but Tony eventually found it on a shelf behind some atropine and epinephrine.

“Give me your hand, please.” Tony was telling, not asking. Peter held out his uninjured hand, and humoring him, Tony gave it a high five. “You know which hand I’m talking about."

Reluctantly, Peter held out his injured hand to Tony. It was shaking slightly, but Tony knew that was more from Peter’s own nervousness than any symptom. The bite wound itself still looked pretty unremarkable, but signs of redness and swelling were beginning to appear.

“After I take care of the injection, we’re gonna cover this to make sure it doesn’t get infected or turn necrotic, okay?”

Peter just nodded along. What was he supposed to say? No?

With Peter in agreement, Tony began wiping the area around the bite wound with alcohol. He paused before deciding that he should probably go over the bite wound itself with alcohol as well. As he ran the cotton ball over the bite, Peter tensed up and hissed in an inhale. He was itching to pull away, but he did his best to stay still. Any unnecessary movement on his part would only prolong the whole process.

After a few more swipes of alcohol, Tony discarded the cotton balls, and reached for a syringe loaded with nearly twice the recommended amount of lidocaine. Tony thought it was a lot, but he’d seen Dr. Cho use more when stitching up Peter’s split knee from the previous summer.

Peter’s breathing began to pick up as he eyed the syringe warily. The heart rate on the pulse oximeter began creeping up as well. He promptly squeezed his eyes shut and looked away.

“Okay, kid. This’ll sting a little, but it’ll stop the pain from getting any worse.” With that, Tony tightened his grip on Peter’s hand, and lowered the syringe until it punctured the skin just beneath the spider bite.

Peter yelped, his back arching slightly and his good hand gripping the linens beneath him. The pain radiated throughout his arm, but it was concentrated right at the bite. A giant needle piercing the bite felt like it was lighting his hand on fire.

“Easy, Pete.” Tony murmured as he began depressing the plunger, injecting the lidocaine into the wound.

Peter whined through clenched teeth, his head tossing back in forth on the pillow. He was keeping his eyes shut tight, as he didn’t want to see how much or how little of the lidocaine Tony had administered yet.

“Hold on, hold on. Just a few more seconds.” Tony injected the last of the lidocaine, and slowly removed the syringe. He laid it down on the table beside him, and began rubbing his hand up and down Peter’s arm.

It took several more seconds, but eventually, Peter’s heavy panting receded into an acceptable breathing pattern. The two sat quietly, letting Peter rest a minute after his painful ordeal.

“I know that lidocaine burns, but does your hand feel better now?” Tony asked hopefully.

Peter did a quick internal assessment of his pain. “Yeah, it does feel better now. I can’t even really feel my hand now.”

“Great! I’ll give you a smaller dose next time, but I think I’m gonna administer more every half hour or so. I want to give it to you again before it wears off so you don’t have to deal with the burn.” Tony grabbed the used syringe and walked over to the sharps disposal container. He took care of the needle and then headed back towards Peter. Peter had adjusted himself into a sitting position and was poking at the bite.

“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t do that. You’ll get some crazy kind of infection.” Tony began ripping the band aid from its small packaging. Peter watched, transfixed, as Tony placed the band aid on the bite. _I can’t feel anything. This is great!_

Right as Tony began drawing back, he felt a drop of something wet land on his hand. When he looked at it, it appeared too viscous to just be plain water. Tony glanced at Peter, who was hunched over his hand. A long string of saliva was hanging from his lip.

“Uh, Pete?”

Peter looked up, causing the saliva to stick to his chin and shirt. He grimaced and brought his good hand up to wipe it away. “Ew. Gross. I’m sorry Mr. Stark, I had my mouth open and I guess I just forgot to sw-” another stream leaked out of Peter’s mouth.

Peter instantly shut his mouth and covered it, his eyes widening in both disgust and embarrassment. Tony grabbed a tissue for him to wipe his mouth off with.

“This is so… gross Mr. Stark… What do… we do?” Peter broke his sentences up several times to swallow. He was desperately trying to avoid making a mess everywhere.

“Uh… I don’t know. I’ve never really dealt with anything like this before. Do you wanna just keep swallowing… more frequently, or something?” Tony suggested weakly. “Or, I could get you some sort of tray to spit out the excess saliva into. Or, you could hold a towel to your face and let it soak it up.”

“I’m good… Mr. Stark… I’ll just… try to keep… from… making a m-mess.” Peter’s voice shook, and his eyes were burning. This was so humiliating. He was drooling all over the place like a baby.

“It’s okay, kid. It’s just a side effect. No need to get upset over it.” Peter calmed a bit at Tony’s reassurances, but Tony could still see his throat swallowing convulsively every ten seconds or so. “Why don’t you just lay down and rest, and we’ll ride this out, okay?”

“I can’t... I’m gonna get... spit all over... the place.”

Tony walked over to a linen closet and pulled out a fluffy towel. He placed it on Peter’s pillowcase. “There. Problem solved. Now, just try to get some rest, alright? The sooner you sleep, the sooner you’ll heal.”

Peter settled down on the pillow, and tried to rest. Only when he shut his eyes did he realize how tired he was. Even with the lidocaine, Peter didn’t feel great. Closing his eyes obviously cleared up his blurred vision, and helped with his dizziness. His heart rate even began to slow. Unfortunately, he still had to keep swallowing almost constantly, but as he drifted off further and further, he began to forget all about it.

…

It seemed that Peter had finally fallen asleep. Tony had pulled up a chair beside him, and was now monitoring Peter for any new or worsening symptoms. The worst thing he’d seen so far was that because Peter was asleep, drool was collecting all over his face. Every few minutes, Tony would take a hand towel he’d grabbed and gently wipe it along Peter’s chin. It was the kind of act that Tony would only do for Peter, because ew, spit is gross.

Tony was reviewing blueprints for the nano-air conditioning system being installed into Peter’s suit, when a soft whine caught his attention. He looked up immediately to see Peter’s face pulled into a grimace, and his fingers tugging at the bed sheets.

“Crap.” Tony mumbled. He’d been hoping to give Peter another dose of lidocaine before the effects of the first injection wore off; that way, Peter wouldn’t be in any pain. Tony sprang into action, and grabbed another syringe. He loaded it up, and quickly injected it into Peter’s hand. Tony watched Peter’s face carefully during the process, and although the lines in his face seemed more taut than before, they eventually smoothed out completely as the medicine did its job.

Tony discarded the syringe, and sat back down in his uncomfortable, plastic chair. _God, I own the place. Why don’t I have better chairs?_ That’s going on my to-do list. Tony pulled up his StarkPad and began adding to his ever-growing to-do list. Before he could get too far though, he noticed something more alarming than spit.

Peter’s pulse oximeter now only read 92. Anything below 95 was considered dangerous, and Tony knew he needed to act fast. He collected a nasal cannula, and hooked it up to a pure oxygen tank. After several failed attempts at getting the loops around Peter’s ears and the prongs into Peter’s nose, Tony made the decision to wake Peter up.

“Pete,” Tony began softly, in hopes of not startling Peter too badly. “Peter, wake up.”

Peter opened his eyes groggily. “Wha’?”

“Here, I need your help getting this on.” Tony maneuvered Peter’s head into the right position, and wrapped the cannula loops around his ears. Peter looked completely out of it, and didn't assist Tony in any way.

Peter was only concerned with the condition of his face. “Gross, M’sr Star’.”

Tony began inserting the nasal cannula into Peter’s nose, and that’s when Peter flinched back. “Hey! Wha’ are you doin’?”

“Peter, relax.” Tony demanded firmly. He was getting frustrated; not at Peter, just at the situation. “You’re not acting like yourself because you’re not getting enough oxygen. It’s because of your spider bite, remember?”

“Bu’ I’m already Spider… Spider-Man.” Peter carried on, loopily.

“Yup, you got it buddy. Just hold still for me, alright.”

“Okay.” Peter had no idea what Tony was asking him, but he knew he wanted to impress Mr. Stark with his stellar listening skills.

“Thank you.” Tony was able to get the rest of the cannula situated without a hitch, although Peter looked very confused as to why Tony was making him use one. “You won’t need it for long, Pete. It’s just until your oxygen levels rise, or until you get over this bite.”

Tony was pleasantly surprised to see that after only minutes, Peter’s levels had risen up a whole percentage. _I should’ve had him on oxygen the entire time. God, this kid sure has poor taste in mentors._

Tony went back to checking blueprints, expecting Peter to go back to sleep. When he looked up, he jumped a bit in his seat to see that Peter was staring directly at him. Tony waited to see what Peter was up to, but the kid just stared, unblinking.

“Uh, Peter?” Tony chuckled nervously. “You’re kinda freaking me out a little... Why don’t you try and rest? Aren’t you tired?”

Peter remained silent for a few more seconds, but finally, he closed his eyes and he went back to sleep.

“Geez, kid. You’re throwing me for a loop.”

…

A few hours passed, uneventfully. Peter’s oxygen levels had risen all the way to 97, and it looked as though Peter was on the road to recovery. The excessive salivation had appeared to have run its course, and even Peter’s heart rate was lowering. Tony had given Peter a few additional injections of lidocaine, but the boy hadn’t even stirred.

It had been the night before since Peter’s last meal, and Tony was feeling hungry as well. Tony also knew that it was important that Peter increase his fluid intake. He hadn’t been drinking much during this entire ordeal, but he’d been losing a lot of fluid through his sweating and salivating.

With a quick glance to ensure Peter was still asleep, Tony rose from his seat and entered the elevator. He emerged at his penthouse and grabbed several water bottles from the fridge. Not wanting to risk upsetting Peter’s stomach, Tony popped a few slices of bread in the toaster, and pulled a stick of butter out of the fridge. But just as Tony was buttering the toast, F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoed through the house.

“Boss, it appears Mr. Parker is in distress.”

Tony abandoned the food and water and ran back onto the elevator. “Show me his vitals.”

An image appeared on the wall of the elevator showing that Peter’s heart rate was once again increasing to concerning levels. Thankfully, his oxygen intake still looked okay.

The doors of the elevator opened on the floor of the med bay, and Tony caught sight of Peter thrashing about on the bed, soft grunts emanating from him. Tony rushed over, observing that Peter was also clutching his midsection in his thrashings.

“Peter! Hey, hey, hey. What’s the matter? Talk to me, kid.”

Peter groaned. “My stomach… ‘s killin’ me.”

“Here, let me see.” Tony attempted to straighten out Peter’s legs and get him flat on his back. Peter wasn’t the most cooperative, and Tony had to settle for Peter keeping his knees bent instead of lying flat. Peter wouldn’t move his hands though.

“Pete, you gotta move your hands so I can see.”

“No,” Peter whined.

“Just for a minute, I promise. I just want to see what’s going on, okay?” Tony placated.

For a moment, Tony thought Peter wasn’t listening, but then, Peter slowly lifted his shaking hands from his stomach. He let them hover over his abdomen, in case he needed to stop Tony, who was now gently lifting Peter’s shirt.

Another intense wave of pain hit Peter, and he began groaning and thrashing his head back and forth on his pillow. Simultaneously, as the wave hit, Tony saw all of Peter’s abdominal muscles begin twitching and flexing. He reached out to feel the muscle contractions, but was thwarted by Peter, who gripped Tony’s hand as soon as he made contact with Peter’s abdomen.

“Wha’ ‘re you doin’? Don’t press d-down, ‘kay?” Peter stuttered out.

“I’m not gonna press down, Peter. I’m just making sure this is what I think it is.” Tony didn’t apply any pressure, but he could still feel Peter’s trembling muscles vibrate beneath his hand. But eventually, they stopped.

“Okay, well the good news is your abdomen isn’t completely rigid. It seems more like it's cramping, and I know that’s a symptom from the bite.”

“Wha’ can we do ‘bout it?” Peter asked.

“Well, whenever Pepper cramps, she usually-”

“It’s not that kind of cramp.” Peter stated indignantly.

Tony sighed. “Yes, Peter. I _know_. But a cramp is a cramp, regardless. So, I’m gonna go and get you a heat pack.”

“But wha’ ‘bout my f-fever?”

Peter had a good point. “I guess you could try massaging it.”

“No… that’ll hurt, M’sr Stark.” His stomach already hurt enough, and he didn’t want to make it worse by pressing down on it.

“It might at first, but it’ll help the cramps go away in the long run.” Peter looked like he needed more convincing. “C’mon, Pete. You’re a smart kid. Cramps happen when there isn’t enough oxygen getting to your muscles. Now, I know this venom’s messing with the receptors in your muscles, but massaging them will at least help increase blood flow to supply more oxygen. It’s worth a try, right?”

Peter appeared to be in deep thought, but suddenly, his body tensed up as the cramps returned. He began thrashing weakly on the bed, and Tony decided to take measures into his own hands. He brought his hands down onto Peter’s stomach, and began to lightly press around on Peter’s abdomen.

At first, Peter protested by batting at Tony’s hands with his own. He was panting harshly and begging that Tony stop. As difficult as it was, Tony ignored Peter’s pleas and continued massaging the area. After about a minute, the cramps came to a stop, and Peter relaxed against the bed.

“Sorry, buddy. But did that wave of cramps seem to end quicker than the last time?”

Peter didn’t answer, but the lack of protest was enough for Tony. He continued to press lightly against Peter’s abdomen, and the cramps remained absent for the next several minutes.

Once Peter’s breathing returned to normal, he expressed his gratitude. “Thank you, M’sr. Stark. ‘M sorry I didn’ listen.”

“It’s okay, kid. I know this is rough for you. You’re doing a great job. You’ll beat this in no time.” The corner’s of Peter’s mouth lifted into a weak smile at Tony’s reassurances.

A nagging thought at the back of Peter’s mind pushed back to the forefront. “Hey. Where’d ya’ go?”

Tony winced, sorry that he hadn’t been there for Peter when he had first woken up, scared and in pain. “Sorry, Pete. I’d gone up to the penthouse to get some food and water for you.”

Peter grimaced. “Tha’s okay. ‘M not hun’ry.”

“I know you might not feel hungry. But you need to eat, and you definitely need to drink. So, how about I go up and get something for you?” Tony withdrew his hands, but Peter clutched them to his stomach.

“No. Wha’ ‘bout the cramps?”

“Buddy, you can massage your stomach with your own hands. And I’ll just be gone for a minute, okay. Then I’ll go right back to doing it for you if you want me to. Is that fair?”

Peter nodded, and Tony headed for the elevator. He tried to make the trip as quickly as possible, but he did reheat the now cold toast in the microwave.

Upon returning, he succeeded at getting Peter to drink an entire bottle of water, but the kid wouldn’t touch the toast.

“C’mon, Pete.” Tony pushed the held the plate out to Peter. “Just a few bites. Please?”

Peter reluctantly took the plate from Tony’s hands. He managed to eat a few meager bites, but unfortunately, the process of chewing brought on another round of salivating.

“Crap!” Peter reached for a towel and brought it up to his mouth. “See? This i’ why I didn’t wanna eat M’sr Star’.” Peter turned his face away, his eyes welling up with tears of embarrassment. _Great. Now we’re back to me slobbering all over the damned place._

“I already told you, it’s fine. Now, I’m not gonna force you to eat anything if you really don’t want to; however, if you’re not gonna eat, then you’re gonna lay down and go to sleep. Got it?”

“M’kay.” Tony looked surprised at Peter’s easily obtained, towel-muffled agreement. He’d expected that he would have to put up a fight to get Peter to sleep like he had when getting Peter to eat, but he’d take what he could get. Peter nestled himself into his pillow, and closed his eyes. He hoped that by the time he woke up, this whole nightmare would be over with.

…

The next several hours passed in a blur. The effects of the venom were beginning to peak, and Peter was plunged into the throes of his fever. He was constantly shifting in his sleep, never truly able to keep still as his body unconsciously fought for any comfortable position. His glassy eyes would open periodically, only for his unfocused gaze to travel lazily around the room before they’d shut again. Tony tried asking Peter simple questions to gauge how he was doing, but Peter never supplied him with a coherent response. Through it all, Tony stayed by Peter’s side, doing his best to soothe him through the nasty effects of the venom.

Thankfully, Tony never had to take Peter to the bathroom because Tony doubted Peter would have been able to make it in his condition. He could hardly see, and Tony knew he wouldn’t be able to hold himself up, let alone walk in a straight line. No, a bathroom break was definitely out of the question. It didn’t matter though. What little Tony could get Peter to drink was either sweated out, drooled out, or cried out.

He had to give Peter several more lidocaine injections, and while most were delivered before the pain could get too bad, there were a couple of instances where Tony waited too long between doses. It was in these moments that Peter would let Tony know of his displeasure by making it nearly impossible for Tony to administer the shot. He’d pull his hand tightly into his chest and curl his body around it, protecting it from Tony. Tony tried to remain patient, but after getting nowhere fast, he forcefully pulled Peter’s hand away and administered the lidocaine, causing tears to leak from Peter’s eyes and whines to escape from his throat.

The abdominal cramps would come and go, and Tony would attempt to massage the pain away. They were completely unpredictable. In some hours, they seemed to rear their ugly heads nearly every five minutes. In others, they would have nearly a half hour to separate them. A break of nearly an hour gave Tony a false sense of security that the cramps were leaving. He took that as his chance to fetch Peter another water bottle, but while he was gone, the cramps returned with a vengeance.

From the doorway, Tony could see Peter futilely attempting to massage his stomach with trembling fingers as he held back his cries. Tony rushed in and took over immediately. The steadier pressure provided by Tony’s hands worsened Peter’s pain at first, causing Peter to claw at Tony’s hands as he whimpered.

“I know, I hear ya’. We’re almost done, almost done. ” Tony soothed, silently vowing that he would not be leaving Peter’s side for the remainder of the venom’s detox.

And he didn’t. He continued giving Peter the lidocaine injections, wiping the drool from his face, and massaging away his abdominal cramps. Tony’s hands were nearly cramping themselves with how many times he had to massage his muscles. By late afternoon, after hours of monitoring, Tony was just as exhausted as Peter was. He fought to keep his eyes open, but Peter had settled significantly within the last hour, and the pull of sleep was too strong to fight. _Maybe it wouldn’t hurt… to just… rest my eyes… for a minute_. Tony fell asleep, his hand holding a cool rag to Peter’s scorching forehead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! During the writing of this chapter, my twin sister got bitten by a spider while we were going on a walk. She was trying to help it cross the road, and it turned around and bit her! It wasn't any kind of venomous spider, and she was fine. But it made me laugh thinking about this story.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Boss… Boss… Boss.” Tony slowly came around, F.R.I.D.A.Y. 's unusually soft voice rousing him.

“Wha’? What is it?” Tony mumbled quietly, rubbing at his eyes.

“Mrs. Parker is requesting entrance to the penthouse.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. informed.

 _“Shit!”_ Tony had the good sense to whisper-yell. He was now fully awake, and he and Peter’s current predicament was now at the forefront of his mind. “Uhh… decline access. No! That’ll just look suspicious. Let her in. Wait!”

Tony was running his hand through his hair, at a loss of what to do. _Should I tell her the truth? If I do, there’s no way she’ll ever let Peter stay with me again, not after Malibu and this! But If I don’t, she’ll find out from Peter, and then she’ll never let Peter stay with me again because I lied. Maybe I can convince Peter to lie? No, he’d never lie to May. Wait, we’re not even in the penthouse!_

“Boss, Mrs. Parker is now in the elevator.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.!” Tony actually yelled, then quickly covered his mouth. He looked to see that Peter was still sleeping soundly, and that his vitals looked steady. He swiftly rose from his seat and ran over to the elevator. He had to stop it before it reached the empty penthouse.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., stop the elevator on the med bay floor.” While F.R.I.D.A.Y. didn’t offer Tony a verbal response, it was clear that his instructions were followed when the elevator doors began to open.

Tony tried to look casual, but he doubted his bed-head, or chair-by-the-bed-head, helped his cause. “Hey, M-”

“What’s wrong?” May stormed into the bay.

“Nothing, nothing.” Tony attempted to placate May as he chased after her. She was nearly to Peter’s room already. “Everything is under control. There was just a bit of a… I don’t even know what to call it.”

May was reaching for the doorknob, when Tony finally got in front of her and effectively blocked her. He didn’t want her seeing Peter before he had a chance to explain everything. She glared at him, nonetheless, crossing her arms to emphasize her displeasure. “You’d better tell me right this second why Peter’s in the med bay.”

“I know, I know.” Tony scrambled to organize his thoughts. “When Peter got here on Friday, he said that this heat wave was horrible and that he was really hot. We were trying to think of ways to cool off, and he suggested that we make banana splits. So we ordered a bunch of exotic ingredients from all around the world, and then we made gourmet banana splits. But the bananas were from Brazil, so-”

May held up a hand. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. What’s eating ice cream got to do with Peter?”

“He got bit by a spider.” Tony finally admitted.

May was silent. “Another one?”

“Yes, another one. Only this one shouldn’t give him superpowers… I hope.” Tony didn’t even want to think about possible long-term effects of this.

“When? What kind?” May wanted all the details. This was her kid, after all.

“This morning, I think. I heard him yell and I went to check on him. He said he’d been bitten.” Tony explained. “We think it’s some kind of Wandering Spider. The Brazilian Wandering Spider.”

“From the… bananas?” May said in a questioning tone.

“Yes. It must’ve gotten here in one of them.” If the situation wasn’t so awful, he’d probably laugh at how ridiculous it sounded.

“I’ll admit, that’s not what I was expecting. Is he alright?” May began reaching for the doorknob again, but Tony stopped her a second time.

“He’s doing okay. He’s been having a rough time with the fever, and the abdominal cramps.” _And the drooling,_ Tony kept to himself. “But his breathing’s been fine, and his blood pressure and heart rate were starting to regulate, I think.”

Tony’s efforts to appease May must’ve worked, because her tense shoulders relaxed minutely. “Alright. Now, let me in to see him.”

Tony opened the door, leading the way into Peter’s temporary room. He had been expecting to see Peter asleep on the bed, so he was surprised that Peter was sitting up in bed. He and May rushed over to his side, worried that something was wrong… or more wrong than it already was. “Peter, what’s wrong?” Tony beat May to the question.

Peter, who was still in the sluggish phase of waking up, ignored Tony’s question. “May? What’re you doin’ here?”

“I’m here to pick you up mister. Then I come to find that you were bitten by another spider this morning? And _nobody_ called me?” Peter winced at her worried tone.

“‘M sor-” Peter began, but was interrupted.

“ _I’m_ sorry, May. I should’ve called you, but it completely slipped my mind. It took a while to get everything under control, and we were both so exhausted that we fell asleep. I promise it won’t happen again.”

“Uh, huh.” May didn’t believe him. “Well it happened last time too, Tony. I had to drag the details out of Peter after your trip to Malibu because you didn’t tell me then either.”

She was right, and Tony knew it. _I blew it! Now she’s gonna see how awful I am for Peter and rip him away from me._ He didn’t even try to defend himself, so Peter did it for him.

“May, it’s fine. That stingray wasn’t even that bad, and I’m sure Tony was going to call you as soon as he woke up. Plus, I’m fine now.” Peter’s final statement snapped both May and Tony away from their argument.

At first, Tony thought Peter was lying, but his vitals were showing a healthy heart rate and blood pressure for Peter. Tony pressed a hand to Peter’s forehead, and although it was sticky with dried sweat, it was merely warm, and not hot. Not to mention, he was speaking clearly without any excess salivation.

“Are you really feeling better?” Tony didn’t want to jinx anything. Not like he had last time when he thought the abdominal cramps were abating. He began unwrapping Peter’s hand, eager to see if the bite was healing. Sure enough, the bite was now a tiny, non-swollen pair of pinpricks on Peter’s left hand. “I’ll be damned.”

May peeked over Tony’s shoulder. “What? Is it better?”

“Yeah, I’d say so.” Tony continued examining Peter’s hand closely, just to make sure everything was in order. “Peter must’ve just been finishing sleeping it off when I met you at the elevator.”

“What’d you tell her, Mr. Stark?”

“Uhh… the truth, of course.”

May rolled her eyes. “Yeah, the truth after a failed attempt at a casual greeting.”

“I was getting there!” Tony tried to defend himself. “Please, just don’t-”

“Peter’s still allowed to come over here Tony.”

That momentarily stunned Tony into silence, but he recovered quickly. “R-Really? Great!” He’d honestly been expecting May to put an end to their summer escapades before they could get any worse.

“I just,” May sighed, “ _need_ you to be honest with me. _Both_ of you. I don’t want to be caught off guard anymore. No issue is too big or too small to get past me. From now on, if Peter gets a _splinter_ , I wanna know about it. Are we clear?”

The two began nodding furiously, but sincerely. Tony couldn’t imagine how worried May must be about Peter all the time. Hell, Tony only known Peter for a few years, and he already worried night and day. She had raised him like her own son, and after losing Ben, Peter was all she had left. Knowing that he went out every night to fight crime in a glorified onesie surely didn’t help matters either. From now on, he would be completely transparent with her.

Peter was in agreement too. He certainly didn’t want to make May worry about him any more than she was already going to. He couldn’t not be Spider-Man though; he couldn’t let anybody else get hurt or killed if he could stop it. For now, he’d work on eliminating all of these silly, clumsy, unrelated-to-Spider-Man injuries to minimize her stress. _Damn Parker Luck._

May pulled the boys out of their thoughts. “So… gourmet banana splits, huh?”

Peter groaned. “Honestly! I let Tony spoil me once and the universe says ‘Boom! Another spider bite.’ I can’t do anything! But that’s what I get for being selfish.”

May chuckled. “You’re not selfish, Peter. You’re anything but. Now, because I know you two have obviously been so busy dealing with the spider bite… have you dealt with the spider?”

…

Peter’s room door creaked open. Tony’s head poked through the door, Peter’s popping thorough high above Tony’s a moment later.

“Do you see anything?” Peter whispered from the ceiling.

“Negative.” Tony made a quick, visual sweep of the room, not noticing any giant spiders conveniently out in the open.

“Maybe it’s gone?” Peter suggested hopefully. He did _not_ want that spider in his room any longer.

“Well, if it’s not in here, it’s somewhere else in the compound. We’ve got to find it and exterminate it.” Tony thought for a moment. “Unless of course it’s on Steve’s floor.”

“Tony!”

“Alright! Alright! I won’t leave it on Steve’s floor.”

“Not that! We’re not gonna _exterminate_ him.” Peter looked down at Tony, disgusted. “We’re gonna _relocate_ him.”

“But it _bit_ you, Peter. That _venomous_ spider _bit_ you.” Tony emphasized.

If Peter wasn’t clinging to the ceiling, he’d be crossing his arms right now. “Well it wasn’t the first and it probably won’t be the last. We’re _not_ killing it!”

“Fine!” Tony threw up his hands in exasperation.

Tony began tiptoeing into the room as Peter crawled above him. May watched from the door, covering her mouth with her hand to muffle her chuckles of amusement. For Peter and Tony though, the tension was only rising. They were just nearing a suspicious looking pile of clothes when-

“OH MY GOD!” Peter sprinted back to the door, Tony getting trapped inside after Peter pulled the door shut tightly behind him.

“Peter! Let me out! Tony started slamming his fists on the door; he could hear May howling with laughter.

“It’s on the dresser Mr. Stark! I saw it! It’s huge! Get it! Get it! It’s on the dresser!” Peter commanded.

“Peter!” Tony finally stopped to think, and his face burnt. _I’m Iron Man, and I’m losing my mind over a spider?!_ Tony squared his jaw and turned around to face the enemy. He looked up at the dresser, expecting some Aragog level shit, but it was devoid of any eight legged beast.

“Mr. Stark? Are you still alive?” Peter’s timid voice was muffled through the door.

“As far as I know. And it’s not on your dresser Pete. That was your alarm clock.” Tony waited...and waited… “It’s safe to come in.”

The door opened, and Peter walked in on the floor this time. “Sorry, Mr. Stark.” Peter rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly.

“It’s fine, but I’m gonna grab my wrist gauntlet, and-”

“NO! We’re still not killing him. I won’t run away this time.” Tony looked at Peter disbelievingly. “I promise.”

“Sure, whatever. But we need some kind of tool or equipment or something. It’s not like when we find it we’ll just pick it up.”

Peter thought for a moment. “I’ve got it. You stay here and keep looking. I’ll go get the tools.”

“Or how ‘bout you just tell me what we need, and I’ll get it while you look for the spider.” Tony was fighting a losing battle. Peter had already run out the door.

Tony went back to trying to locate the spider. Even May stepped in to look. They still hadn’t spotted it by the time Peter burst back into the room. Right as he walked in, his arms loaded with supplies, Tony spotted movement right at Peter’s feet.

“It’s right under your feet!”

Peter shrieked, and flung all of the supplies as he jumped up on the ceiling. He looked down, barely glimpsing the spider’s form retreating behind a large, comfy chair in Peter’s room.

“It’s there Mr. Stark! It went behind the chair! The spider!” Peter pointed rapidly at the furniture, as if Tony didn’t know their enemy had just crawled behind it.

“I know, I know.” Tony walked over to the chair, his steps slowing the closer he got.

“Right behind the chair, Mr. Stark.”

“ _I know!_ I know. I know. I got it. I got the concept.” Tony was stressed. _This is not doing anything for my heart condition._ Tony looked around at the scattered supplies: A large, white bucket from the lab, a pool cue from the rec room, a set of oven mitts ( _wow, really Peter?_ ), and a pair of tongs ( _WOW, REALLY PETER?!_ ).

Casting the obviously useless oven mitts and tongs aside with an eye roll, Tony slowly approached the chair with the bucket and pool cue in hand. “Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay… nothing scary about this… at all… nothin’ to it.”

Tony was reaching for the chair, preparing to move it, but he was looking for a way to make Peter do it instead. “You know what, Peter? You’re the one with the super strength. How ‘bout you give the chair a little push.”

“I don’t know about that Mr. Stark, I’m still feeling pretty crappy.” Peter fibbed, but also shuffled over to the chair. He was nearing it when he suddenly pulled his hand back. “What if it’s crawling up the back of the chair, ready to strike again?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s probably just hiding underneath the chair. I don’t think they’re much of climbers. They do more wandering than anything.” Peter still looked unsure. “I know! Try to communicate with it!”

Peter turned to glare at Tony. “Yeah, cause that’s a power I’ve always had.”

“You never know until you try, Dr. Dolittle.”

Peter put his hand on the chair, and prepared to shove it far from the wall. “Don’t worry Mr. Spider,” Peter blushed, feeling ridiculous, “your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man is just gonna mosey this little chair on over.” With that, Peter gave the chair a mighty shove, and leapt onto the ceiling with a yelp when he caught sight of the spider.

“Get it, Mr. Stark! Get it!” Peter demanded, watching the spider dart around in a panic as Tony finally brought the bucket down on the spider. “YES!”

Tony let out a big sigh, sitting down on top of the bucket. “Alright, yay. Good job, guys.”

Peter reached down from the ceiling to give both Tony and May a victory high-five. “I’m gonna go grab something we can slide under the bucket so we can catch him.”

“Catch him? I thought we already caught him?” Tony shouted after Peter’s rapidly retreating form. By the time he returned, Tony’s breath and heart rate had settled down. Tony got off the bucket per Peter’s request, and Peter began delicately sliding a thin sheet of plastic from the lab underneath the bucket. Peter stepped back once the plastic was fully beneath the bucket.

“I’ve done my part. Now you flip it, Mr. Stark.”

“Me?! I already caught the damn thing. I’m sure as hell not gonna try and flip it over.”

“Well I moved the chair!”

“And then fled to the ceiling!”

May pointedly cleared her throat. “Ahem.”

Tony and Peter ceased their arguing only to glance and see that May had already successfully flipped the bucket. She would gloat, but she was busy looking inside at the spider. Tony and Peter made their way over, Peter asking along the way, “Is it okay?”

“Is _it_ okay?.” Tony grumbled incredulously. Leave it to Peter to care more about some venomous beast than himself.

The three heads peered inside. It appeared fully grown with the six inch leg span Tony initially told Peter about. It was dark brown in color, and almost looked fuzzy. As big as it was, it didn’t look all that threatening at the moment. It was scrambling around the edges of the bucket, clawing at the walls. It couldn’t get any decent footing though, and eventually gave up, stilling at the bucket’s center.

“Poor little guy,” Peter stated.

“ _Little?_ You know what. Fine. Whatever. Let’s take pity on the little monster.” Tony admonished in exasperation. “What are you going to do with the ‘poor little guy’? We’re certainly _not_ keeping it.”

“Why not?” Peter whined. “It could be the new Avengers mascot.”

“No. It’s a dangerous animal, Pete. You know that full well. We’ll have to think of something else.”

May piped in. “I think I might have just the thing.”

…

And that’s how Tony blew off all of his Monday meetings to spend a day at the zoo with Peter and May. They hauled their bucket of fun up to the Central Park Zoo, not really knowing what to expect. They were disappointed to hear that there was nowhere in the zoo to keep a venomous spider. The zoo didn’t have any kind of reptile or insect house for it.

At Peter’s dejected look, Tony made an executive decision that Pepper would reprimand him for later. “Well, why don’t we just open up an exhibit here for spiders? I can sign a check right here.”

The director of the zoo’s jaw dropped, but he soon regained his composure. “A-Are you sure about that, Mr. Stark?”

“Eh, why not? We’ve got that Spider-Man guy running around the city. People love him. They’d love to tour a spider exhibit. And we’ve already got an occupant for you, and he’s completely free.”

Peter and May dismissed themselves to enjoy the other exhibits while Tony took care of all the legalities. At the end of it all, there’d be an arachnid exhibit opening up within the next year, and Tony himself would be paying for the building’s construction, as well as all of its creepy-crawly inhabitants.

They were worried about having to hold onto the spider for the next couple of months, but the zoo came up with a temporary housing tank for it until a permanent enclosure could be built. Of course, Peter had to say goodbye to the “poor little guy”, but after that, the three headed for the exit.

They found themselves, climbing down a staircase, and Peter grabbed the wooden rail out of old, pre-spider-bite-clumsy-Peter habit. Tony and May’s hushed conversation regarding Tony being transparent with her about Peter from now on was interrupted by a pained shout from Peter. The two whipped around to see Peter examining his left hand.

“What is it?” Tony feared the worst. _Is his bite acting up? Did something else bite him?_

Peter held his hand up for them to see. “Splinter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like it!
> 
> A few end notes: 
> 
> 1\. Tony and Peter trying to capture the spider was loosely based on my co-workers' experience of trying to catch a chipmunk that got into the office. It was very funny to watch. Luckily, the chipmunk was captured and relocated safely. 
> 
> 2\. I hope you guys caught both the Disney's Hercules and Avengers references.
> 
> 3\. Most importantly, the third and final installment of this series will likely not be posted for a couple of months. Sorry. I want to write it all completely, so I can give weekly chapter updates and not leave you guys hanging for a month between updates. So, a long wait for a consistently posted story. Fair trade off? Also, his last installment will be a serious work. These two have been pretty silly, but that's about to change.
> 
> Thanks a lot everyone! Hopefully I'll start posting the last work before the end of this wretched year that is 2020. Stay Safe!


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